It was the first time I've ever been that exposed in such a hyper-masculine environment in my entire life, granted I was scared shitless to undress all the way. I sort of justified it by saying that at least I kind of have a cute butt, and could work with that if nothing else.
So ha! Take that society! I won't cover my body in shame! I am proud!
Sort of...
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
In all my times in gym showers, it seems that I've only seen white men parading around nude, whilst people of color, especially asian men, are always clothed. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's coincidental, but society dictates otherwise. Gym showers are where all my insecurities about myself get amplified - I feel so small it hurts. Take that whatever way you want.
I'm afraid of being nude, not because it's taboo, but rather, because I have been conditioned to be ashamed of my body. This body, according to society, is not what an ideal man's body is supposed to look like. I've been told this since elementary school when a kid named Brandon told me I looked like a girl because I had boobies when I was changing. That only got worse in middle school and high school - especially in high school where white kids were especially cruel to asian kids.
Today was a liberating first step.
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